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(via starexorcist)
Posted on May 24, 2012 via don't get comfortable with 385,277 notes
Source: dontgetcomfortable
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Posted on May 24, 2012 via Paul Scheer.com with 760 notes
Source: paulscheer
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The deadliest con of all
Sapphire:ohioSapphire:so i got invited to a conY. Chang:was it africonPosted on May 23, 2012 via Ivan's hangout with 19 notes
Source: generalivan
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There is a row of skinny white girls using each elliptical at the gym and I am the only penis-person not downstairs lifting weights.
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This is how I answer the phone.
Posted on May 23, 2012 via Somebody Robbed The Glendale Train with 1,674 notes
Source: newrider
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The President knows how uncomfortable I am made by fat people. Wanna know the secret? To keeping weight off? Shut your fucken pie hole. How about that. It’s not rocket science, I’m not a nutritionist am I? No, I’m not. But I do know one thing: you’ve gotta put the corn dog down, you gotta get up off your dead one, you gotta get moving. Oh my God it’s weakness, that’s really all it is. Pure and simple, it’s weakness. It’s about self control. You don’t masturbate in the subway, do you? No you don’t. Do you shit in the street? Nope, of course you don’t, because you’ve gotten a hold of yourself, and now I’ve gotta say what, I’ve gotta say ‘I’m the Vice President of the United States, put the cupcake down’. That’s now my job? For fuck sakes.
Selina Meyer, Veep. (via keyboardpubes)Posted on May 21, 2012 via keyboardpubes with 19 notes
Source: keyboardpubes
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hannahbananafeefifofanna asked: hi! ohmygoodness not to sound super creepy or anything, but you are by far my favorite fandubber on youtube. you are amazing<3
Thank you!
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Billy:Ivan, you've got more butts than an ashtray!Yung-I:Two out of ten.
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Posted on May 20, 2012 via Ms Pussy le Queer with 1,062 notes
Source: pussylequeer
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I am the stone that the builder refused.
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